PORTLAND, OR – Mixed-media artist Kelsey Middleton is facing a potentially major career flop as she digests her third baked falafel sandwich of the day, says close sources.
“The sound of my stomach grumbling has become less and less audible,” says the former starving artist in between brash burps. “I’m really starting to feel that imposter syndrome set in.”
The artist’s fullness has been such a letdown that her full-time Instagram boyfriend, Camden Foster, is starting to worry.
“I am trying my best to be supportive, but let’s be real – no one knows how to handle an artist with a full belly,” sighs Foster, nervously glancing at his partner as she pats her stomach. “There has to be some kind of life coach for this thing. Do you think insurance would cover it?”
Middleton reports that the disheartening satiety roughly started two weeks ago. The symptoms, which have gotten in the way of the artist’s brand strategy, came as a surprise.
“I used to create such transparent content when my stomach was grumbling,” she says wistfully. “These days, all I can do is belch out of satisfaction.”
At press time, Middleton’s status as an artist is under investigation. More information will be available as the story unfolds.
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